JANUARY 2016

After 3 months of the kids father refusing to take me to work, he decides to take me. It was a Friday night. On that very first day back of a 3 month hiatus at my job, guess who would show up later that night? Billy Corgan!

I felt all this energy that day, like the day at the concert I was at back in July. Unknowingly, I was going to see him though. With the concert, I knew i was going to see him. So, I associated the excitement and anticipation with what I was feeling. I was seeing many syncs that day also. How bizarre that there were so many guys in there with bald heads! I was sitting with a customer when I noticed him standing around the bar with a group of people. They haven’t sat down yet. No stools at the bar at my club. He kept looking in my direction. It appeared he was talking about me to someone. Is that really him? Moves like him. Tall. I was in shock, dumbfounded but relaxed. The club is dark to say the least. Flashing lights, smoke. I don’t remember what happened after that point, I may have had to go on stage. I didn’t approach him then.

I remembered being a bit pissed off. I was on the side stage when I watched him come out of the lap dance room. What was this that I just seen here? He’s doing all of this shit online with me and I see this? Informing me of a Twin Soul/Flame connection and then this. Is this how he plays women? Soon, I would eventually go up to him. As I approached him, he would say, “who’s this little cutie?” I would proceed my usual of sitting in a guys lap. It was quite amazing how I felt this magnetic pull as i was getting closer to him and then actually sitting in his lap. I couldn’t tell if the pull i was feeling is because i’m an overly anxious fan girl or it actually was because of Twin Soul/Flame. It did feel different when I sat in it, it was a sort of magnetics coming together. I was “locked in.” What was that?

How wonderful to be sitting there with him! We only had a brief little chat. I would be leaning with my back against his chest. He’s making up some story about a job he does. I asked him stupid basic questions like, what’s your name and what do you do? As I was sitting there watching his hand gestures as he was speaking, I felt a merging of sorts where I was seeing his hand waving around, or was it mine? Was it I that was moving? I would face looking at him, still leaning against his chest and we both just looked right at each other with huge smiles on our faces. I would slowly pull back and soon get up and leave. He also kind of gave me a push. I went to the dressing room for a bit.

Here I am. He places me on some twin flame bullshit and says he chooses me, yet, he goes and gets a lap dance with another girl. And I’m not so sure. Did I smell she put her pussy in his face? If he wanted us to be swingers, why not just state that? Place me on this sacred relationship path, but it appears it’s not what he truly wants. Never mind all of this stuff I was feeling. I guess he’s doing lap dances, I didn’t even ask for a dollar from him. If this is the relationship he truly wants, not a Twin Soul/Flame, so be it. Let’s see if he’ll take a lap dance.

I would text the kids father to pick me up. He said he would pick me up around one anyway. He was my ride because I was dropped off. Lucky me I was here! The smoke was bothering my eyes, it was very heavy because it’s a busy Friday night. It was my first day back. Although, I would go back to Billy before leaving but Billy is having a “business meeting” with his team. Apparently it’s the wrestling group he’s with. I tapped on his back and asked, “you want a lap dance?” I mean, if that’s how it gonna be, fine, get a damn lap dance. He don’t want love. But he turns around with a pointed finger and says sort of cocky about *I’m having a business meeting….” and that’s when we just looked right into each other’s eyes and felt that whole mirror thing. It must have been a good 5 seconds like that where I think we just like looked at each other like looking in a mirror and even moved and tilted our heads in unison. It was like our eyes just locked. It was like 2 heat seeking missiles attracting each other and boom! I swore I seen galaxies in his eyes. The music was loud and I couldn’t tell, if I was reading his thoughts or he was speaking. I can’t remember the exact words but it was along the lines of “Finding your twin flame will be like looking into a mirror.” He would then turn away and I stood there for a second or two wondering what my next step should be but instead, I would walk away back to the dressing room and leave.

On December 28, 2015, I began one of my online blogs making my own online documentation of this journey. I don’t know why I needed to. Perhaps like everyone else, seeking some type of validation to what’s happening.

After all of this situation and I was not happy with what had occurred, I would write up a post on my one blog and called him a near twin. I have started doing so much online reading about Twin Flames to make sense of the situation and why the things were the way they were and I have came across the many “subcategories” of Twin Flames. One of which, is Near Twin and Pre-Twin. That’s not my Twin Flame. That was NOT him. That was NOT the man I love. But what also may have happened is that I too, also seen him as not him. The entire situation is hard to explain.

Some subcategory names you will come across while researching Twin Flames are: Pre twins; Shadow twins; Synthetic Twins; False Twins. It’s enough to make your head spin and become frustrated.

I would also a little later type out a dear God post.

CHAPTER 18 (ONE-8): 2016 SHOWS>>>
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