To be completed at a later date. . .

How I Met Your Father

I met Bill, who was to become the father of my 2 kids, at a strip club I was working at. He came to the club one night while i was working. We’ve gone into the back, I guess it was a dance or champagne room. I don’t remember the first time. The following week he didn’t come in because he was going away with his family to St Thomas. When he came back he would tell me how he thought of me the entire time. Awe, how sweet. Usually these things are blown off as I hear so many lines in the industry. He would occasionally remind me of how he thought of me while away.

Bill came and seen me every Saturday night thereafter religiously. I wasn’t dating anyone. I may have gone to a phase of celibacy at this time. Also I was most likely trying to work on my album. I believe this was 2007. I started working at this club outside Philadelphia, where I met Bill. I was still living in Philadelphia when I began there and would eventually move to Allentown. I lived in Philadelphia for 6 years, during which I went to school, and I wanted to be reminded of what living in the suburbs was like and get out of the city. I wasn’t meeting anyone I wanted to be in a relationship with so I thought of changing my surroundings. I’ve also concluded maybe I wasn’t meant to be with anyone. I’ve became too entirely jaded with the last club, so I thought.

I left the club I was at in Philadelphia and went to another one, in the suburbs. I still to this day only made the most money at the one club in Philadelphia and would kick myself for leaving. My new club I began working in, I was still holding an estimate of the same amount as the one in Philadelphia. I was happy that my income wasn’t effected too much. The club would soon go through some changes and my money would drop a bit. At that point, I was already moved out of Philly. I also now had a car, so having a car meant, money was going to it.

It took Bill 6 months to ask me out. I was never a dancer who had regulars. If a guy came and seen me, it was not just to see me. They see other girls and get dances from them too. So now, I had this man who came and seen me, and ONLY me every Saturday night for 6 months. Everyone knew he was my regular. On Saturdays, he gave me something to look forward to. I would be happy to see him, I mean, a steady income I knew I was going to have. Give him his special attention.

Bill was married, unhappily, as he would point out. He and his wife were supposed to be in an open relationship. The thing is, she was more open while he has never been with anyone else. He would explain that he never found anyone else he wanted to be with. She would bring home some women but he never had an interest. There was this one time one of his friends came in and he would best explain, “Bill had a license to fuck and never used it.”

During the 6 months of him coming in to see me, I would learn more about him and he grew on me. The champagne rooms was priced at this club for working men. The prices were not outrageous so we could go in the back for 15 or 30 minutes, in a little sectional closed off area. The lap dance room was open, a big room with multiple loveseats, not private and their hands are to remain to the side, “no contact”. The champagne room was more “private.”

When the time came and Bill asked me out, I hesitated. I was happy with the situation as it was. I was happy he wasn’t trying to take me home. Usually guys would be asking me out within the first few minutes. So, I wasn’t too thrilled when it “finally” happened. When he asked I knew this was near the end of our relationship with him seeing me every Saturday and giving me money. If I said yes or no, either way, it was done for. If I declined, he would eventually stop coming in to see me, or he’ll start focusing on someone else. I was also bored and wanted some excitement.

We decided to do dinner. Our first date was New Years Eve 2007. I had no New Years plans. I believe we ate at Chili’s. We would go back to my apartment but not anything sexual happened. I just gotten a weight bench and decided to put it together. I was going to have it sit in my dining room. I lived on my own, don’t have anyone over, so why do I need a dinning room?

Bill had mentioned to me about how he told his wife he was going to spend New Years with his younger sister. I don’t understand the reason for that with an open relationship, but that’s what he did. After New Years he would depart and head home.

A few weeks after our date he would tell his wife he wasn’t happy. This was the weekend of her birthday. Her birthday is in January. She was born the same year as I was, 1976. After he told her and she got upset, she would leave. She went to one of her swinger couples house. She took their kids with her.

Bill met his wife while they were both working at McDonald’s. He was born in 1967, so a good 9 years difference. She was 18 when they met. He got her pregnant with their daughter and felt he was doing the right thing by marrying her. At some point in their marriage Steph asked for an open relationship. I can only imagine how he felt after that. In my mind I can only think, what, I’m not good enough that you need to be with others? I think a proper response would be, let’s get a divorce and you can fuck every person out there, and I can find someone for me who thinks I’m enough. Ultimately, he agreed to it and stayed with her. I guess he felt staying together for he kids was best. Over time I would about his family. His parents were married for a long time as well, but I can’t say happily, like my parents. Both of our parents gotten along wonderfully. Bill once said that he don’t know why they stayed together.

When Bill was growing up, he was the baby/middle child. He has an older sister. About when he was 12, his parents had his younger sister. She would become the brains in the family. She went on to collage and majoring in the medical field. Bill was born with Lazy Eye. He had to wear the dark patch and thick glasses. When I met him, he was a Tow Truck driver. He was very good at his job. Before becoming a Tow Truck driver he was a machinist for school buses. Fast forward to now, he became a school bus driver. He had enough of Tow Truck work. He was never happy with the companies he worked for. When I met him, the company he worked for did 24 hour calls. Nights he had the phone, he would have broken sleep.

Steph left the house that weekend and she didn’t go back. Somehow I was invited over to his house. I’m not sure if I gave him my number or he came and seen me at the club and we went for dinner a second time. When I arrived at his house I felt a little awkward. Why am I here? Maybe I’m supposed to be with him. I’ve been alone a long time. I was bored. I don’t see how I’m a home wrecker when they’ve been in an open relationship. He even told me he had sex with his wife once in 6 months.


When I entered Bills life, it was not just him, his 2 kids and a soon to be ex wife. There was a dog, 4 cats, a hamster, turtles, and fish living in a small, not tiny, house. Technically speaking a 3/4 bedroom house. You have the main floor with living room, bathroom, kitchen, one bedroom but another den like space being used as a bedroom for their son. They were using an attic type of room for their bedroom, the ceiling goes into a point. And a basement that flooded when it rains or when heavy snow melted.

I just want to mention that none of these animals were taken care of well.


What amazed me when I gotten involved with Bill is that my oldest brother was going through an ending with his wife. My brothers wife would informed him that she wanted a divorce. I thought there was something a little off with her at my other brothers Christmas party. But now here I am with Bill who wants to divorce his wife and my brother who’s wife wants to divorce him, all happening at the same time.

Bill seemed to have fitted perfectly well in my family. His kids were the same ages as my nieces and nephews. Each one of my brothers has one each, daughter is the oldest. My oldest brothers kids were the same year born as Bills. All 3 of the boys the same year as well. My one niece is 2 years younger than my other niece. That’s because my sister in law had a few miscarriages. So my new “step kids” would get to have instant cousins of the same ages. How wonderful!


My brother would move back into my parents house and I would move into Bills house. I was content. He was a nice guy. My brother would soon start dating. When he did, he didn’t like to stay at my parents house much. When he could he’d sleep over a girlfriends house. It was fun hearing his stories of dating. His ex wife would be one to give him problems with custody of kids. Bill and his ex would settle things out of court. Lawyers are expensive! Glad we didn’t have that issue.

My brother would feel awkward about being a 40 something year old man living in his parents basement. He liked being married and was in search of a new wife. He didn’t enjoy dating too much. I think this is a Hyndman trait. The Hyndman family seem to be stayers once they find someone.

In 2010 my brother met a woman and they only dated for maybe 3 months before he asked her to marry him and they were married 3 months later. She’s a hairdresser and my brother went to get his hair done (what’s left of it) at her shop. So he knew her before they started dating. She has 2 kids of her own, both a little younger than me. Her son married a girl I knew from school. She even stayed over our house one time. That was amusing to me. My brother and I are 10 years apart and his first ex wife was somewhere in between me and him in age. His 2nd wife is a few years older than he. She was never married. So, she gives me hope sometimes when I think about it, which is not often enough. For Christmas of that year, they gave us all calendars of their wedding.



I remember having a quick thought of having a child but I disregarded it. I was playing role of Stepmother to his 2 kids. I didn’t know how long we were going to be together but I helped clean up the house! It was disgusting. The dog was apparently allowed to pee and poop in the basement because it always floods so they didn’t care when she did. When she went outside, they would have her on a chain in the backyard. They didn’t have a fence. Inside they had a cage. I would buy a leash and try and walk her around the block a few times. I didn’t get it. They were not my animals but now I’m taking care of them. His kids didn’t feed her. His kids didn’t take her outside or walk her. Why do they have a dog. His ex wasn’t even taking the dog when she had the kids. I’m not saying I was a savior or anything but, I felt bad and thinking how his kids just lived like that.

When I moved in, we used my mattress. You did not want to know what his looked like. I asked, how can you not smell that? I bought a mattress cover until mine was moved in. They had a throw rug on the wooden floor upstairs. One of the cats they called Mittens would pee wherever. My cat Shadow (RIP), one day, I watched him chase Mittens around the upstairs room and try and direct him to the litter box. When I seen that, I was so proud of my baby boy.

It was 2009, Bill and I were together for a year and I was living in his house. I was still dancing. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until the end of March. In February before than, Bill won the Lottery! It was Valentine’s Day. Was this a sign?


When I found out I was pregnancy….


When I was 6 months pregnant with my son, I learned I had asthma.

It was night and we were going to go to bed. I found myself having a hard time breathing. He was just going to get in bed and roll over. I’m sitting up in bed and can’t lay down. I was scared. Can he hear me breathing? His hearing is perfect. I had to try and speak and say I can’t breath. What did I want him to do? I don’t know, but if I can’t breath either can the baby. Soon eventually he took me to the ER. I had to breath into this device. I was explained that I had an attack. They checked for the baby’s heartbeat and it was there. I was happy. I would go see my doctor and learned I had allergies. I’m allergic to Cats, Dogs, Ragweed and Cockroaches. Cockroaches? Well, ok then. I knew I had an allergy to cats but dogs was impressive. I learned how to handle my cat allergy. I won’t die, as I had 2 cats. I just can’t touch my face and need to wash my hands and scratches itch. It seems dogs is the same way. I would need my space without animals I guess. Now that I was home all the time and around the animals, I had a reaction. I guess being a veterinarian or working in an animal shelter is out of the question for me.


Baby Shower. I knew my mom would throw me a baby shower. It was more done by my Aunt Carol, my Godmother. The people who came were family and Church people my mom knew.




My son has this interest in things that open and closes. Does he outgrow it? Well, he’s currently nine and he still does. He loves train crossings now.

I bought latch boards, pillboxes and Children’s kitchen sets. He preferred the real deal doors and drawers. Take him to a kids playland and he wanted to play with the door. Took him places with kids kitchens and soon he’ll be playing with the entrance door.

My son was great at pulling himself up. He loved to jump in jumparoos and he was an early walker. He began walking about 9 months of age.



Julian was still nursing, not as much though, when I found out I was pregnant with Anastasia. The plans I was making in my head came to a halt. I was three months pregnant with Anastasia when I ended what was left with nursing Julian. He nursed for 27 1/2 months, a good long time in most cases.